I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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