I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
