I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
