So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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