i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
