when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize