She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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