Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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