she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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