haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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