She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
