She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
