I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
