If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
