I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
