their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
