Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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