i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
