Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
