i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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