I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
