Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize