Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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