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• (503): View more from Oregon

  after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.

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• (626): View more from California

  I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  he was once again the drunkest girl at the party

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• (209): View more from California

  The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear

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• (516): View more from New York

  Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.

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• (434): View more from Virginia

  She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.

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• (286): View more from

  I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  Your boobs are like a folk legend.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from

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