Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
