She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
