First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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