So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
