We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
