I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
