I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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