ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
you had me at cake vodka
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
