Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
