I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
