I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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