Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
