dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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