But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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