I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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