I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
