you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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