I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
