Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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