shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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