good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
