I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
