The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
