You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
