I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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