you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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