my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
