The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
