those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
