1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
