I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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