I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
