4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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