Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How does it feel to date your dad?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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