I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Hippo gnu deer
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
