U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
