Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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