I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
