i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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