called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
