You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
