please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
