they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize