If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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