Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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