You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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