Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm sobbing to NWA
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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