rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
