So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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