So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
