wat bout pragnant strippers??
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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