stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
