He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
