I can text with my tongue
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
