Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
