her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
