I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
