Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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