An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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