I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize