Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
