you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
