Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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