Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize