There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
