it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I wish they made helmets for livers.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize