We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
