party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
