Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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