Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
as a side note pls kill me
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
