dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
