Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
