In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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