im drinking this country out of the recession.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
