who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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