I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
