So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Randomize
